just a pink haired girl

The Pursuit of God

in my bible study group (which i need to send out a HUGE shout-out to my home-girls because they inspire me and amaze me) we are reading the book, "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer... we are taking the entire summer and reading one chapter a week and coming together weekly to discuss what we are learning from the book as well as what God has been saying to us.

Tozer is quite the deep theologian. i was a little weary of reading this book because i thought it would be kind of dry and over my head. after all it was written in 1941. i was wrong. this book is completely and totally amazing.

last night's discussion was over chapter 2 on the topic of "The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing." the majority of the chapter was on God's testing of Abraham when God told him to kill his son. it was a testing of Abraham to see if he would choose to place God over his own love of this son and all else. God obviously stops Abraham right before he does so, "Do not lay a hand on the boy," He said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from Me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:12

it is all about giving up everything we consider to be "ours" and replacing it all with nothing but God. just ourselves and God and what He wants to do with us.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."' Matthew 16:24-25

to deny ourselves is to give up our passions, our visions, our loves and joys so that God can dwell within us free of competition... leaving us with the blessedness of possessing nothing. an empty vessell to be filled with only God and His desires.

as great as that sounds - it is a terrifying. we can't part with them without pain and some "inward bleeding" and we can't deny the terror of our parting with what we cherish. to ask God to remove from our hearts all of the things we have cherished for so long and replace it all with Him and Him alone without rival. that is huge.

the most incredible section of the chapter was Tozer's depiction of Abraham's "ah-ha" moment when he realizes how amazing it feels to put God above all else.

"The old man of God lifted his head to respond to the Voice, and stood there on the mount strong and pure and grand, a man marked out by the Lord for special treatment, a friend and favorite of the Most High. Now he was a man wholly surrendered, a man utterly obedient, a man who possessed nothing. He had concentrated his all in the person of his dear son, and God had taken it from him. God could have begun out on the margin of Abraham's life and worked inward to the center; He chose rather to cut quickly to the heart and have it over in one sharp act of separation. In dealing thus He practiced an economy of means and time. It hurt cruelly, but it was effective."

It hurt CRUELLY but it was EFFECTIVE.

Lord, You know my innermost desires, my loves, my visions, my joys - almost all of which i tend to seek harder after than I do of You. Help me Lord, to part with these things i cherish, help me to endure the inward bleeding and cruel hurt too so that I can fully know what it means to put You above all else. Amen.

wow...

pump, pump, pump it up!

just the other day i decided to do my quiet time outside. i laid flat on the ground with my eyes staring up to the sky. it was a beautiful, blue and full of fluffy, white clouds kind of sky, but what caught my attention most of all was that the clouds were completely motionless. i had never seen the clouds just simply NOT moving... not a bit... complete and utter stillness.

there was something about it being motionless at the same time i was motionless that made me so aware of God's presence... and BIGNESS... it was the simplicity of being still ... in silence ... that spoke volumes to me and showed me my current spiritual temperature.

unexpectedly i had just entered into worship.

i love when i can get pumped up about something... and this is one of those things.  my post today, was inspired by Anne Jackson and Troy Kennedy's recent posts about worship. I too wanted to chime in on my thoughts ... but most of all... i write today out of my own desire for genuine & intimate worship - not only in our churches - but in our personal lives that is in our own personal way.

No, i am not speaking as a worship leader, but as a Christian woman. I am woman, hear me roar.... :)

semi-related to one of my previous posts: God, Spiders and Britney Spears, it is another part of my journey to becoming more dangerous for God.

Worship, to me, is so much more than music and singing to God. although that is a very important aspect of worship - worshiping God can be done in an infinite amount of ways - this is something i am learning more and more every day. i have a huge desire to help those "stuck in the box" step out and discover other ways to worship their God.

worship is any act a believer does with the intent to praise God. whether that be in stillness, silence, writing, singing, praying, serving others, etc. these can all be a form of worship.

listen up... God wants your love and praise. wouldn't you think He'd love it more if we when we came to Him - we came intimately - using the gifts He made us passionate about?

how amazing is it that God will come when we call on Him and how amazing is it that we can express our love for Him using the gifts that He has given us?

p.s. i love my mom

shut up and just wait already...

so i was listening to the David Crowder Band today and there is a line in the song, Here is Our King where he sings, "be quiet now and wait". in fact it seems that is a recurring theme throughout several songs on the Collision CD.

there is just something about that particular line that always grabs my heart and doesn't let go... wait for Him... to come and take care of the mess of this world... to bring us back to Him... to bring us back to His love... to bring us to His home.  as Christians we are ultimately in a waiting room... waiting for Him to call us into to the room we were created for in the first place. check... got it... roger that... that's all fine and good and we're ok with that being in God's timing, right?

but what about other parts of our lives... the other earthly things we really want and SO desperately need? (perfect job, love, etc.) how much complaining do we do about the timing of those things? i think we can be quite dramatic when in fact those particular things are SO VERY SMALL in the grand scheme.

this is a major struggle for me as a single, young woman. there are so many things in my life i feel like i need and want. i have such a hard time being quiet and just waiting patiently for them. here are just a few: a husband, true contentment in my career and emotional stability. although i know God oversees all and has His own timing - i definitely complain to Him and others about how unfair things are and how slow He's moving to get me those things.

so in this world of instant gratification (getting what you want...NOW) do any of us really know what it is to "be quiet and wait"?

how do we do it?

true obedience

have you ever truly been obedient? i mean that... truly ... no hindrance... no second guessing... no whining... no questions asked... just obedient... flat out obedient right away...?

i can honestly say i have never done that.

i was never and am not rebellious by nature but sin always seems to enter in my decision-making when it comes to obedience. not quote, "BAD SIN" -- just the discontent in not wanting to do something. when i am first told to do a particular thing i really don't want to do or really don't feel like doing i turn into a two-year old - in the middle of Wal-Mart - throwing myself to the floor in a dramatic fashion - just to prove my point of dissatisfaction. (i obviously don't actually do this physically - but it is definitely being played out in my mind)

i think it goes back to my lack of respect for authority figures... no just kidding... but there is rarely a time when i am asked to do an uncomfortable thing that i don't first think in my head, "whyyyyyy?" or just plain, "nooooo" first. i may not vocalize it - but the two-year old Crystal is screaming and kicking on the inside.

if a child were to actually do this - of course they would get a time-out or even GROUNDED for their total disobedience to the one giving the desired instruction. So, we choose to follow the instruction for fear of punishment... feet dragging of course... but nonetheless we do it and pretend we're ok with it... maybe we'll just a piece of candy...

as a child to a parent we are fearful of the punishment for not obeying so why as a children of God do we disobey Him so quickly and easily? we fall to the floor kicking and screaming so long that we pretend He forgot He asked us or He is tired of hearing us... when in fact He is the only One who actually is still there waiting for us to do what we know we were asked to do. He doesn't forget and most of the time He doesn't change His mind.

obedience is ultimately freeing. although it is hard and the road to get there can be long and windy... there is a reason for why we are forced down the uncomfortable road. there is a reason why He asks us to pick up our heavy cross and follow Him.

"And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:27