just a pink haired girl: God, Spiders & Britney Spears

Before I say anything... could I just add this: Britney Spears is pregnant again. Is anyone else scared?

Ok...

I have been thinking a lot lately about my fear of driving. Although in my head I know it is impractical and irrational to believe that I could live the rest of life without being able to drive a car just out of fear - I can't help but try and bring it to back around by comparing my particular fear with that of the fears other people face such as spiders, heights, the water, etc.

If you have a fear of spiders are you REALLY ever going to be jump into a big pile of spiders? Exactly... NO you wouldn't. But the only problem with that rational (which my friend Jennifer so eloquently pointed out to me) is that a fear of spiders isn't going to hinder someone from personal freedoms. So, I will keep truckin' on and continue to trust in God that I Will Overcome this burden.

*sigh*

I have had a lot of "wow" moments lately about it though. Some super hard moments and other huge "yea God" things. In just the fact that I am so open about it actually being a fear and not just a blowing it off as an "oh I don't have car" thing is HUGE. I am quite proud of that at least.

On to other things... do you ever just have a love/hate relationship with God when it comes to when you're wrestling with Him? I've been recently convicted about my relationship with Him. Whether that be in my prayer life, my testimony, witnessing, expressing my opinions, etc. I am too normal in that. I am too safe.

After I graduated High School I vowed to never conform. I was going to be myself no matter what that ended up meaning. With that said: if you know me at all then you know that things tend to just fly out my mouth, I cut 10 inches of my hair off and now dye it pink, my clothes don't always match, I wear too dark of make up, I have an internal dialogue about where my first tattoo will go - and I am simply not safe in how I express myself. I don't conform in that. I am dangerous.

So, why do I conform in my faith? Why do I choose to be so safe with the most dangerous gift and story in all of eternity? Jesus was radical and plain old shook stuff up. "No He's not safe but He's Good" (a little Narnia for you C.S. Lewis fans). If we are to be like Christ - shouldn't our walk reflect the dangerous stuff too, right?

This is the cry of my heart. Father, use me. I want to be dangerous for You.